Funny Status Messages

   Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an idiot

   making sure he doesn't drink and drive. He might spill his beer.

   feels sorry for the rabbitt who nevers gets trix - it just proves kids are mean to animals!!

   helping chinese people name their newborn babies by knocking a tin can down the stairs

   going to wear underwear on the outside of his clothes tomorrow to see if people assume he's crazy, or a superhero.

   Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

   messing about with google maps..still giggling cos theres alot of Beaver in america, some small...some huge!!.

   eating at Jesus'...today's special...unlimited bread and fish!

   against picketing, but doesn't know how to show it.

   i have my grandmothers heart, my grandfathers strength, my mothers looks and my fathers structure and thats why I am unique in every way! =]

   I just overheard someone use the phrase, "I don't have all day." I'm sitting here thinking, "How could you not have all day? We all get the same 24 hours, dont we?"

   I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy candy at the store, I'll drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

   I've never been to Long Island... but I've had their ice tea so many times I feel like they owe me bail money.

   Nowadays, when I bend down to pick something off the floor, I think to myself, "What else can I do while I'm down here? 'Cuz I ain't making too many more trips."

   thought john and kate plus eight was a porno.

   busier than a one toothed man in a corn on the cob eating contest.

   's heard about the fountain of youth, he would much prefer there be a fountain of smart.

   if anyone sleeps with my wife I am shooting their guide dog!

   someone needs to tell PETA that the White House is a "NO FLY ZONE".

   re-doing facebook quiz's, so that he can fudge the results into saying the person he would rather be like.