Funny Status Messages

   my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts

   Couldnt get into the Maury show so I went to our local trailor park.

   Music pumping!! a*s shaking!! Dirty dancing it feels like club making

   without trust, there is suspicion; whenever your filled with suspicion everyone starts looking evil to you!!!!

   It was reported in the News recently that a former member of the KKK has volunteered to help clean and restore the Gulf. He vows to have the beaches white again in no time.

   Apologies to the vegatarians, My food poops on your food,

   My washing machine excites me more than you will ever know !

   Anyone fancy a 68??? It's like a 69 except you go down on me and I owe you one!!

   Diamonds are a girls best friend. They last forever. Dogs are a mans best friend. They age faster than humans and lick their own ass! Any questions??

   Freedom's natal day is here.Fire the guns and shout for freedom,See the flag above unfurled!Hail the stars and stripes forever,Dearest flag in all the world

   I tried saying no to vodka, but it was 40% stronger than me.

   Sunday marks the birth of America, which Americans celebrate by combining their love of drinking with their love of explosives.

   "When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it."

   Type 'things I did last night' into google and hit the I'm feeling lucky button

   Has anybody ever enjoyed moving ever? I now hate our mattress.

   I'm pissed...I signed up on Facebook almost a year ago and have not received a single phone call.

   I spent most of my money on whiskey.hot cars,fast women, and motorcycles....and the rest of it I just wasted.

   America has a whole day dedicated to a film starring Will Smith...

   For an added bonus the shake weight will squirt your face with water after a 15 minute workout.

   Nothing Says You Are Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation, Like Blowing Up a Small Part of It!!!