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used to sing like Justin Bieber...then I turned 4!! 
enjoying a stiff one. A stiff drink, you dirty-minded people!
I don't need to make better choices, I need better things to choose FROM.
It's sad when you can see how long you slept by looking at the time between Facebook status updates.
To DO: ☑ Get groceries, ☑ Lay around, ☑ Eat stuff, ☑ Be Awesome.
iF YoU tyPE LiKE ThiS, YoU'rE prOBAblY tOo YoUNG To bE oN fACebOoK.
borrowed my wife's razor, it had a sensitive strip. Now I can't stop crying.
These high gas prices sure have made it hard to land on the dollar when filling up.
I met a woman last night who said she would take me to heaven for $50. Damn these religious fanatics and their annoying fund-raising scams
I Love You like HELL!!! Its just that I don't want to DIE ;)
Ok so everyone was bustin' Bush for hurricane Katrina in new orleans .... now where the hell is obama when we're having the biggest natural disaster in history .... its been 6 weeks, wtf is he doin besides watching the playoffs
"Weebonics"- The adorable chatter of a toddler.
“Whoever said Money can't buy happiness, They just didn't know where to go Shopping.”
dreaming of a day my son won't turn into the elephant man because of a mosquito bite.
BREAKING NEWS: BP Tries Adding Balsamic Vinegar to Oil
doesn't want to brag or make anybody jealous . . . but she can still fit into the earrings she wore in high school!!
can't believe he's not butter!
looking forward to July 12th... England 4?5?6? - USA 0
The rest of the world loves soccer. Surely we must be missing something. Uh, isn't that what the Russians told us about communism? Soccer blows.
While asking for support over the oil spill, I had a interview with a mermaid and she shouted "Obama doesn't like sea creatures!"... awkward silence
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