Funny Status Messages

   It's all in the game, I just play it.

   Why did God create women? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

   "Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away."

   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

   Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

   Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.

   Screw me if I'm wrong, but have we met before?

   i said something that changed the atmosphere at a dinner party yesterday... I said I hope no body is allergic to nuts... because I like resting mine on the table

   Life was much simpler when Apple's and Blackberry's were just fruits.

   "Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."

   Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

   Why hasn't BP used my solution yet to stop that oil leak? Simple AND brilliant...contact Tampax, have the worlds largest tampon made. Stick it in the hole....TADA, no more leaks...

   Quitting Facebook over privacy is like moving out of your house because you can't be bothered to lock the door....

   This years strawberry picking contest has been won by a woman with NO legs !!!.............Jammy c*nt.

   wonders how exactly does one wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy?

   is surprised that some group of backwoods pudknockers hasn't yet blamed President Obama for CAUSING the BP oil leak in the Gulf.

   The tip of the day: Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night!

   He will never know now what Willis was talking about :(

   If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?

   At the beach life is different. Time doesn't move hour to hour but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun.