Funny Status Messages

   Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.

   By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

   coming up with a funny status update is overated.. be content with this one..

   I have a structured settlement and I need status updates NOW!!! ok that was stupid.. I admit it... :P

   wishes his sandwich would look like the damn picture for once.

   looking at Uranus through his telescope.

   heard that coroner's report that Gary Coleman died from a series of Diff'rent Strokes

   waiting for you to say something intelligent :)

   Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, auditioning for the circus again.

   Always hold your girlfriend/wife's hand at the mall. If you let it go, she will shop!!.

   Solemnly Swears That He/She Is Up To No Good

   Science builds planes. Religion flies them into buildings.

   Breaking News!!!!! Spongebob Square Pants found Dead in oil patch........

   just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF... Best Facebook Friend Forever

   If I ever were to become a scientist, I think my first area of research would be to try to prove my theory that there is a direct correlation between stuttering and 3rd trimester vibrator use.

   Homeless guy in an Obama shirt asked me for change... thought u'd chuckle at that

   I can't believe people these days. I was at church and the lady next to me lit a cigarette.....I damn near spilled my beer!

   To all who have worn the uniform of the United States Armed Forces……. from the first shots fired at Lexington in 1775, to the shots still being fired overseas this very day……. I salute you!

   With all that weight loss, 50 Cent looks like one of those crazy people from "I Am Legend"

   doesnt understand the whole deal about secrets. If you have something that you don't want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place