Funny Status Messages

   wondering if #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2

   of course men can multi task.... we can read the news paper and sh*t at the same time

   If celebs die in 3's... I hope Sarah Jessica Parker goes next... shes a horse face and a false prophet. Oh and everyone dies at the end of Sex 2!

   Okay, so celebrities usually die in 3's... So far, Dennis Hopper, Gary Coleman... who's next?

   Impotence: Nature's way of  saying  'No hard feelings...' 

   Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds? A.  The bonds mature.

   Ex-president Bush blamed BP for the disaster off the coast of Louisiana. Later he recanted saying "He thought BP stood for Black President."

   Why hasn't BP used my solution yet to stop that oil leak? Simple AND brilliant...contact Tampax, have the worlds largest tampon made. Stick it in the hole....TADA, no more leak...AND the BP execs will be able to go horseback riding afterwards.

   more people should be less like most people.

   my facebook wall is not the best way for me to respond to you Quicker,.. You'll have better luck getting a hold of me if you were to shout my name inside your own home... well,.. I guess depending on the situation."

   Does a coffin come with a life time guarantee?

   "As we look forward to our tomorrow's, Our brave soldiers are giving theirs today"...

   I like cats, they taste like chicken.

   Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, ⠀˜Lie to me!'

   Paul Newman's half-Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too, put them together, what a fine looking Jew

   I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

   A fool is a 37th floor window washer who steps backs to see his work.

   A friend in need is a pest indeed.

   Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

   The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.