Funny Status Messages

   thinks that friends help you move but real friends help you move bodies.

   wonders how skinny he would be if he had to pedal to keep the computer on.

   calculating pi but can't seem to make it past sugar cream

   never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry. Never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

   contributing to global warming by breathing as he rides his bike to school...some conservationist!

   kissed a girl, and he liked it...and blames Katy Perry for his imprisonment. She didn't say anything about asking permission.

   a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect

   Just been to the gym and there's a new machine there. I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great: it's got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it

   sooooo skint she is off to KFC to lick everyone else's fingers....again. ♥

   News update! "Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery!"

   I want a new Drug. One that won't hurt my head. One that won't make my mouth too dry. Or make my eyes too red

   going to use this status as a letter to guys. If you use a picture of yourself without a shirt, "flexing" as your profile pic....You're officially a jackass.

   stuck in the moment - well it is actually more like wedged. I think I may need an advanced escape maneuver. So glad I have that Special Forces training to fall back on in these situations.....

   like Houdini . . . uses a lot of trap doors in his acts, but I think i'm just going through a stage.

   believes : Early to bed,early to rise.....and your girl goes out with other guys.

   will write you a love song unlike that Sara Bareilles b**ch

   loves the smell of burning rubber, but I really should of told her the condom split

   One Tequila, Two tequila, Three tequila...FLOOR

   --^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death.

   asking you to Learn from your parents mistakes.............use birth control!