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   messageicon How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
←Rate | 09-13-2017 07:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Warning to parents of young children. Why does Play-Doh say "fun to play with, not to eat" then make 1000 accessories that all make it shaped like food?
←Rate | 09-13-2017 07:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women who have breast implants have delusions of glandular.
←Rate | 09-13-2017 07:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In 1813 Women had no rights. In 1913 women had some rights. In 2013 women think they're always right.
←Rate | 09-13-2017 07:17 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm an elephant Circumcisionist! The money's lousy...but the tips are huge!!
←Rate | 09-13-2017 08:54 by Trueman Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many retirees are needed to change a light bulb? Only one, but it might take all day.
←Rate | 09-13-2017 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been trying many different kinds of cheese lately and I began to realize that putting it on a cracker can interfere with subtle differences in the flavors, so I started squirting it into my mouth right from the can.
←Rate | 09-13-2017 10:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon in order for ted cruz to clear his name for liking porn on twitter he should have to eat cake in front of everyone like that kid in matilda
←Rate | 09-13-2017 11:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Fact: In the 80s nobody could have sex until someone started playing a saxophone.
←Rate | 09-13-2017 12:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my uber driver is playing marilyn manson so guess i'm gonna get drunk and put on eye liner tonight
←Rate | 09-13-2017 12:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Uh, rah rah baseball people. Football season's begun. More You can stop now. Thanks.
←Rate | 09-13-2017 17:02 by Otis Comments (0)  


   messageicon Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
←Rate | 09-13-2017 17:58 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I wish I had a "friend with benefits." By benefits, I mean they'd own an ice cream store and the benefits would be free ice cream.
←Rate | 09-13-2017 18:53 by MichaeltheItalian Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. I don't have time for those meetings.
←Rate | 09-13-2017 21:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever meet Ted Cruz. You schould now think twice about shaking his hand.
←Rate | 09-13-2017 23:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All of a sudden no one wants to shake my hand. T.C.
←Rate | 09-14-2017 01:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
←Rate | 09-14-2017 07:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only way the Democrats would do away with Obamacare would be if it required a photo ID to get it.
←Rate | 09-14-2017 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Waiter, how do you prepare your lobsters?" "Nothing special. We just them straight out that they are going to die."
←Rate | 09-14-2017 08:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK. So I danced like no one was watching. I need bail money.
←Rate | 09-14-2017 08:24 Comments (0)  



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