Funny Status Messages

   I like to let my kids do everything other parents are yelling at their kids to stop doing.

   No wife ever shot her husband for doing the dishes.

   Why is it that the same people who are upset about a sports announcer named Robert Lee were perfectly OK with a president whose middle name was Hussein?

   Maybe we need a wall along the gulf coast!!

   Wish me luck. I'm about to tell this highway it's adopted.

   M&M Mars are stupid if they don't shoot a commercial featuring Mayweather and McGregor.

   What the lottery really is.. "Hey guys, lets pool all our money together and make someone a millionaire!!

   Carnival Cruise Lines just announced tomorrows ship departure has been moved to Gate 6A at Houston Intercontinental Airport...

   Apparently people in Texas are not taking Hurricane Harvey seriously....well duh, what kind of stupid name is that?....We need to ghetto it up....like "Hurricane Shaniqua"....she will rip your weave out just for looking at her.

   They should make a "How It's Made" episode on how "How It's Made" is made.

   . Why is it that you park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway ?

   Watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes. And thougt how easily their entertained. Then realized, I just watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes.

   . I think mydog looks out the window when I leave for work to see that's it safe to lay on the sofa.

   . Have you heard the saying the truth will set you free? I told the judge the truth and got three years.

   My wife is so fat, that she only needs a cup of water in the tub to take a bath.

   The Quickest way to get a person to call you back. Take a bath.

   when I was in school I was so bad at math,i failed like eleventeen times!

   You can not use the 5 second rule when you drop a hotdog on the floor if you have a 3 second dog.

   During my vacation, I learned alot about my self. The main thing I learned was, not to take another vacation.

   The only way McGregor could win this fight was if Steve Harvey announced the decision.