Funny Status Messages

   O.J. Simpson is now available for the next season of Dancing With The Stars.

   The Dallas Cowboys just offered OJ a 2 year contract.

   OJ told the judge "I would kill to get out of here".

   I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phonebook. She laughed and called me an antique, Then proceded to gave me her phone.Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

   "O.J. , if granted parole where would you live...?" "Well, I'd like to take a stab at Florida......!!"

   OJ said he has lived a conflict free life. Unless, he thinks you are or our have his property. Then watch out. Things get crazy.

   [at restaurant] Wife: I'm having an affair. Husband: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well.

   I used to be a male trapped inside a female's body. But then I was born and everything was OK.

   If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then, yes, I do like opera.

   My train of thought is usually all loco and no motive.

   Why couldn't Eve have just made Adam a sammich like other women?

   I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."

   I'm patiently awaiting a Chris Cornell/Chester Bennington mashup.

   Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.

   I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.

   When OJ gets out, he going to kill it on Tinder.

   "Jesus loves you" is a nice thing to hear in church. But not in prison.

   I went to Disneyland but I don't remember it. I think somebody slipped me a Mickey at the snack bar.

   Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow's ass

   Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go