Funny Status Messages

   drinking a full bottle of Nyquil, knowing that he is trading a cold for a hung over.

   thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it comes to an end.

   thinks the C.E.O. of B.P. should go to J.A.I.L.

   Woman's Favorite Position is CEO.

   Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF

   For a guy who isn't affected by gravity, I'm pretty down to earth

   I dont do jokes about the Spanish....... no way Jose!

   Dude! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you...... And me...

   I can't help but wonder how police handcuff people with one arm?

   I've always wondered what would happen if I deleted my recycle bin...

   i need you like a water needs tea bag. You make me stronger

   Ultimate space? Kiss my A$$!!!! Find a better way...losers!!!!

   Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

   Terrance & Phillip should've really done the "lighting of the torch" during the Winter Olympics back then.....too late now.

   It feels like we haven't seen each other in years Why don't you join me for a couple of beers clink cheers

   Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom to realize how low they can actually go.

   you can't blame men for the forest depletion. As long as we are wearing clothes, we don't need napkins, think of the trees we have saved by getting greasy hands clean on our pants....

   and I talk to myself on my Facebook wall... I'M AWESOME....I'M AWESOME

   yes I lost my virginity but at least I still have the box it came in!

   A New York animal shelter is seeking donations of Viagra to treat a pit bull. I'm thinking that this is going to be one of the most frightning animals on the planet.