Funny Status Messages

   Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy

   If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!

   Never believe anything until it has been officially denied

   A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin

   I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle....so they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my vodka :(

   wondering how Chad Ochocinco is celebrating his Cinco de May?

   get's the feeling that whenever Sarah Palin sees a Pro-Sarah bumper sticker, she rolls down the window, goes "WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP!!!!" and generally makes a fool of herself.

   Wisdom is proper use of knowledge.

   would like to thank all his friends who came out to his intervention. Let's get together and do this every year!

   might not be the sharpest marble in the crayon box

   we call it MAY 5TH on this side of the border

   thinks that constant nagging of a girfriend is a real turn off...

   So is this where I'm supposed to type a heartfelt sentence, or a quote or something describing how I feel and stuff? Cool, mine's far more complicated to be typed here.

   Cinco de Mayo...when we commemorate the sinking of the great Spanish Mayonnaise flotilla which liberated Mexico from the iron grip of the Spanish mayonnaise monopolies...

   A recent study conducted by UCLA just discovered that doing just about anything increases your risk of death.

   if you take a shot and yell "cinco de mayo!" its a celebration. If you take a shot and yell "Wednesday!" its an intervention

   Yesterday I put in a bid for a “Cowboy Outfit”.. on ebay and now it seems I'm only six minutes away from owning the South austrailan Government!

   ok, the dude was on the no flight list 24 hrs prior to him boarding the plane, but the airlines werent aware of it cuz they update they database every 24 hrs??? better hit that "Refresh" button every hour then, Gee!

   writing your phone number on the toilet wall

   The next person who suggests that, when I die, I should leave my organs to medical science is really gonna get a piece of my mind.