Funny Status Messages

   Thought about staying home from work today but then I remembered the thousands of people on welfare are depending on me, I owe I owe its off to work I go.....

   I didn't call you Fred Flintstone because I thought you could make my bed rock!! ;-) I called you Fred Flintstone because that brick of a line was prehistoric!! ;-p Practice your game

   I went to Japan and got myself a discount prostitute. She love me moderate time.

   seen Willy's Wonka and is not impressed.

   wondering if a strap-on is considered as an artificial limb?

   if I win the 265 millon California lottery this week , I am gunna fly to Somalia and collect all the trillons of Dollars I've won from all My DEAD realatives and take over the world !!!

   loves the smell of a home-cooked breakfast...mmmm bacon...now how do I get that smell in my house?

   A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

   wondering if a strap-on is considered an artificial limb?

   has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!

   May the 4th be with you...but I need a Fifth.

   giggles everytime I see a "no shoes, no shirt, no service" sign. I am guessing that they don't care if you come in bare a$$ed?

   Mmmmm..ice cream sandwiches....i feel like such a tool though after chasing the ice cream truck screaming "wait, ice cream man"!

   would if be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   would it be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   was thinking, if lesbians use vibrators......isn't that cheating?

   cle'Ani]Ng hi.s ke\yboA;rd

   how many tweets could tweetybird tweet if tweetybird could tweet tweets

   In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.

   life is short. have a ball, better yet have two