Funny Status Messages

   If women did not exist, all of the money in the world would have no meaning.

   Do you ever wish you can transport people that annoy you on an island where they are forced to fight to the end & it's all filmed live for your enjoyment? New reality show pitch...what do you think?

   There will be no tomorrow. When it gets here, it will be today. I've played this waiting game before.

   doesn't allow men to smoke in his room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.

   thinks the bad thing about having kids is that they are ALL morning people.

   just wants someone to tell me how Facebook ends so I don't have finish all this reading.

   thinks that Operation "Gain As Much Weight As Humanly Possible While On Vacation" is right on schedule so far.

   is wondering what childless IDIOT invented glitter glue?

   likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."

   sometimes I think something and I'm like, "that would be a good Facebook Status update." This is not one of those.

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't spell.

   sorry, I just don't see how this class/meeting will help me with my career in Farmville

   Keep it up and you'll be kickin rocks too. Getting close!!!! Real quick.

   took some time off from Facebook and got a LOT of work done. Won't make that mistake again..

   why does ben rothlisberger cry after sex? ... because the pepper spray hurts so much.

   not GAY!!!! But his boyfriend is....

   The guy who named the Iceland volcano "Eyjafjallajokull" must have fallen asleep on his keyboard

   what do you call an arsenal fan with half a brain??...........GIFTED!!!!

   If PETA really cared about animals then why is it that PETA never protested about rat killers?

   not drunk... just deliciously enlightened.