Funny Status Messages

   Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.

   save your breath.... You'll need it to blow up your date!

   A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender" I'll have..........a beer." The bartender says" What's with the huge pause?" The bear shrugs and says "I was born with them".

   saving money and not getting the iPad .Instead I bought a magnifying glass for my iPhone..

   Do your Moobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro?

   if Rambo had a gay son would his name be Rambutt?

   saw clash of the titans last night, my mother in law won the battle.

   Its my day to protect and Serve. Protecting the donuts and serving the coffee is my specialty.

   Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

   I wonder what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole.

   saving money and not getting the iPad .Instead I bought a magnifying glass for my iPhone..

   Girl, you are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts

   thinks that "beer" might be the real magic word. Forget about "please" (unless, of course, it is following "beer"...)

   According to the segment on American Idol's "Idol Gives Back", they just showed $10 was able to purchase 90 lbs of food. Where do these people shop? I can't do that at Wal-Mart, Kroger, or any other place.

   Wondering “if a milkshake brings all the boys to the yard” then “what brings all the girls to the yard?”…well whatever it is I'll have a glass of that!!!

   I got a gun for my wife.....the best trade I ever made

   addiction takes commitment

   It make me happy when I can teach my phone dirty words. T9 b!tch.

   Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken

   was at the doctors today and was told that I had slow swimmers! I was a little upset and then I told the doc that their not slow, their trained Olympic backstrokers!