Funny Status Messages

   I have no sense of proportion. Which causes me big problems. Or small ones. I'm not sure

   I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'" --Bill Maher

   Bought my dog a cell phone today...it was a good deal...she gets free roll over minutes =)

   life is too short for regrets, so stop fighting ur enemies. Just get rid of them altogether. Dead men tell no tales...

   How come we can't say the word n*gro in a song but can have a group called Uncle Kracker?

   SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: The amount of Alcohol consumed can directly increase the amount of facebook activity.

   only updating my status because my legions of fans expect me to.

   thinks if your dog is wearing clothes, you're probably an a-hole.

   Woo hoo Got a new Job today at the Anheuser Factory, Does not pay anything and no benefits but I am their new Taster. Like they say what doesn't kill you makes you Drunker.

   Onomatopoeias are one thing, but then there are words that look like what they are... like bed.

   How about you climb down from your high pedestal and join the rest of us! This is where you belong anyways...

   's 3 year old daughter has shown herself to be a real woman. She has no interest in baseball and had no interest in Daddie until baseball came on.

   went three doors down & fell into a puddle of mudd...had to tie a slipknot to get out>>

   Roses are Red, Winters are Cold, Now get on your knees and Do what you're told!

   no woman will ever be truely satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money…

   i am so tired of not being able to swear in my statuses since my family got facebook. So f&ck it. Sorry grandma.

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

   When gays hack into their gay mate's facebook accounts, do they change the status to, “I'M STRAIGHT AND I LOVE EATING PU$$Y!”?

   Aw sh!t…im the only black person in my african studies class. This could be awkward…

   I am Nigerian Prince. If you click “like” I send you 17 Billion Dollars. I am very genuinelyness