Funny Status Messages

   thinking people need to quit quoting Steve Wright he wasnt funny the first 50 billion times we've heard it

   Earthquake in Mexico. 50,000 dead. England sending money, France sending food, US sending Replacement Mexicans. Pack your sh!t up, you're going home.

   hates it when he goes to take a drink and the straw goes up his nose. Not cool when tryin' to impress the ladies!

   thinks "survival of the fittest is absolute BS!" Have you looked around lately?

   Forgetfulness is the device your mind uses to tell you what is important and what isn't.

   Out there, happyness waits for everyone. In one direction or another. Some of us are just too ignorant to buy a compass.

   Do your best to limit the number of boundaries you set in life. Not everything you're looking for lies within that yellow tape.

   almost smacked my dad one day. He had the nerves to tell me I was seconds away from being a spot on the sheets. How rude. lol

   Hannah Montana... I mean oops! Don't you hate it when you get the status feed and the search box mixep up? wow, how embarassing."

   When you're a fast texter, two minutes is a long time to wait for a reply....

   A guy hears his wife's voice from the kitchen, "What would you like for dinner my love? chicken, beef or lamb?" He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken." she yells back, "You're having soup you jerk! I was talking to the cat!"

   Red Bull...naaa....Morning walk gives you more than just wings...:)

   I love it when the person's laugh is funnier than the actual joke.

   She is my best freind You break her Heart I Break Your Face

   I find it ironic that the Alzheimer's Association is sponsoring an event called "A Night To Remember".

   thinking men should come with carfax and a UPS label for an easy return.

   Wants to thank everybody for the Birthday wishes...I am now going to start acting my age and settle in for a "Golden Girls/Matlock/ Murder She Wrote' Marathon and tell all of the neighborhood kids to get the hell off of my lawn!

   All sluts should come with an easy button on their forehead.

   I want to play hookie from work and have as much fun and fit as much in as Ferris Bueller did in the

   - Are we at the point in our society in which we can use hand sanitizer after taking a dump in lieu of washing your hands? I for one say, YES!!