Funny Status Messages

   Newsflash! There are more than one god...or else the 1st commandment would be voided..."thou shalt have no other gods..."

   a man with flaws, a failure at success, no superhero, neither rich nor poor. I am, however a good father and a happy person. that'll do pig. that'll do.

   do kids in china push in there eyes and say "haha I'm American"?

   whip it ! whip it real good !

   They told me to think outside the box....I just learned this did not mean I could leave the box.

   Someone came up to me and said get a life...I punched them in the face and said get a helmet.

   saw the best T-shirt EVER today: "Who the hell needs Hooters when you've got BALLS?" Win.

   There are so many people looking for Bin Laden, I think they should also search for Joyce Dewitt from Three's Company. She vanished over 20 years ago. Not even TMZ seem to know where she is.

   -- I was playing golf with my missus the other day..She is absolutely horrific at driving and much better just using an iron the whole time. .....As for the golf she wasn't that bad......

   supposed to cross the street with the skeleton. But he didn't have the guts

   some kid told me that my "Picture is under Idiot in the Dictionary" I put on a medieval face and replied "It's better then the obituary!!"

   There's a first time for everything.......Except deja vu.

   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

   You're such a loser if you are reading this after 9:30 on a Saturdaynight

   ...Broken nose, bust lip, teeth knocked, black eye..but she started it so f**k her

   letdown. Crop circles just don't have the same mystique in backyard grass. (mood: disappointed)

   Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm burning, burning..Oh, Doctor, doctor, is this love I'm feeling? OK.. Thompson Twins I am going to say no if you are taking a piss!

   I think the sudden stardom of Justin Bieber marks the beginning of the apocalypse.

   I miss high school...only there could you hear at ten in the morning...Bro afta shave on my balls was the worst idea ever

   I love getting all these "you are soo funny"!" You make me laugh so much!!" Yeah well I can make you moan also status king blah