Funny Status Messages

   Never weed wack poison ivy in the nude.

   No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

   They say the grass is greener on the other side, but have you ever flipped it over?

   Earth first! (We'll strip-mine the other planets later)

   Missing dog and wife. Reward for dog.

   They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.

   There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.

   Wanted: Overnight Meaningful Relationship

   Before you meet your prince you have to kiss a lot of toads.

   I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.

   Never chase after a man or a train - another one will always come along.

   There are easier things in life than finding a good man... like nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

   pretty proud of being able to give up Lent for Lent. Didn't think I could make it but with perserverence, I overcame the urges.

   You know, there's one good thing about Monday and it's...... hmm.... wait... let me get back to you on that.

   Watched my first Baseball Game of the year and can't understand why they sing, "Take Me Out to the Ballpark"? Duh......aren't you already at the ballpark if you're singing that song???

   I can only listen to you cybergripe about your problems for so long before I expect a pic of your boobs as payment for my services.

   I remember when the phrase "I'm completely bald" only referred to your head.

   It disturbs me that my boss, the guy who controls whether or not I keep my job, has one of those magic 8 balls on his desk.

   When a girl gives me a hug, my hands envy my chest.

   LOVE it when i'm home alone! There is nobody to verify that I have done NOTHING in the last 2 hours.