Funny Status Messages

   Gas for trip to Walmart: $4.75 Miley Cyrus movie: $19.95 Box of tissue: $2.95 Hand Lotion: $3.78 The look of disgust on the cashiers face:

   wonders why the Trojan condom is named after the Trojan horse? Isn't that the horse that penetrated the roman walls then broke open spilling hundreds of men into the city?

   slowly undressing behind you!

   thinking bush doubled out debt it 8 years......obama will double that in 2! good job america!!

   thinks the best part about his job is that her chair spins!

   spinning in his new office chair so I am away, now I am back, away again and back.

   There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to fall after leaning your chair back a little too far.

   If your wife or girlfriend forces you to carry a "man bag", it's official: you've been "pursey whipped."

   My mate told me that she was having nothing to do with me anymore because she was fed up with my bad habits. I nearly choked on my toenail.

   wonders if it's a coincidence that "Consider Christianity Week" (Mar 21-27) coincided with "World Folk Tales and Fables Week" (Mar 22-28)

   Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

   its kinda hard to hide the fact that you farted in the bus when the only other person in it is the driver and you know both of you can smell it

   if at first you don't succeed, what makes you think doing it again with make any difference?

   A blonde filled out an application form. It said "sex" and options were "male" n "female". She crossed them both off and wrote "Lots"

   Pls stop being such ass, I have one enough to worry about. Lol

   I'm not rare. I'm just a limited edition.

   Ur attempts to make me jealous are hilarious and unsuccesful.

   I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumbass

   I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumba$$!

   How can you tell if your chocolate Easter bunny is male or female? Bite it's head off. If it's hollow,it's a male.