Funny Status Messages

   Jewish fun fact: If you celebrate Passover on top of an overpass, you go back in time

   LIE: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.

   Bananosecond, n.; Time elapsed between slipping on the peel and hitting the pavement.

   if you were a status....i`d like u.....!!!!!

   Warning. Going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday. Please note that staying awake all night does not prevent Monday. There is no cure.

   if you need a friend (text me) need a laugh (call me) need a hug (stop by) need money (this number is no longer in service)

   Life is like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today,may burn your a*s tomorrow.

   for people who think an invisible object cant kill you try hitting and invisible block on mario bros

   One of these days I'm going to run in to this Murphy dude who insists on making these messed up laws... and he's going to get knocked the F out!!!!

   Just had a friend post "Awesome day, Dry spell broken." and his MOM clicked the like button and he responds "MOM! WTH?" and then she asks "oops how do I UNclick it?" HAHAHA!!

   A craving for some cookies 'n MILF

   When your children come up to you after a minor incident and say," This is the worst day of my life!!!" Just look at them.....smile......and say, "You haven't seen anything yet".

   Schizophrenic...and So am I

   just heard that today singer Ricky Martin came out as gay. In other surprising news:President Obama is black, the economy stinks and cigarettes are bad for you...

   They should make women wear red wrist bands at the club if they're on their period so the fellas will know if she's worth buying drinks for all night

   Looks Like Kate Goselin Is As Bad A Dancer As She Was Wife And Is A Mother. Jesus Stay Home Lady We Have Had Enough!

   hmm..could the bill be that bad..starting to wonder if its the bill or is it just Mr Obama they dont like..

   She Bangs, She Bangs...... Turns Out The Whole Time Ricky Martin Meant He Bangs, He Bangs....... Livin La Vida Loca Who Knew lol.

   Has just realised something; all my role models, idols and people I look upto were all on drugs! :p

   Thinking to myself """"( why am I with her?....... O yeah, its the sex..."""")