Funny Status Messages

   saw a man get out of his convertible at Wal-Mart yesterday, take two steps and then turn back to lock the doors. I chuckled because the top was down.

   In it's purest sense, redistribution of wealth is when I buy dogfood, feed it to my dogs, and they sh#t it out all over my yard...

   Rain with sunshine today... the devil must be beating his wife.

   The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.

   I saw the commercial for Southwest that advertized "Bags Fly Free" and I thought it said "Fags Fly Free". I got sooo excited for a minute!

   I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

   When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

   it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

   says Once a cobra bit Bear Grylls' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

   Thanks to all my FB Friends, for once again, reminding me it's Friday. This is also FB Spring Cleaning Weekend. Time to remove all the apps, polls, fan pages, pictures and friends you just don't need or want anymore.

   Yayyyyy!!! Spring Break...it feels like its 35 degrees.FYL

   I feel sorry for Justin Bieber, everyone picks on her.

   There is a chalk outline being drawn around common sense, and most people cannot even identify the victim

   I really hope I live to see my funeral

   You know what they say,so I wont tell you

   heard that Tiger Woods just sent Jesse James a Thank You note... and a bottle of penecillen.

   People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).

   --- I hate farmers, the're always spreading sh*t

   I Dont Care If You're A Gangster, Pull Up Your Pants Please!

   dirty litte mind is on Active Duty today