Funny Status Messages

   My FUTURE is so BRIGHT that even NASA have mistaken ME for a SUPERNOVA!.

   Somehow, my inner beauty's not increasing my confidence when I'm walking into the sauna.

   giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to ted kennedy

   Sometimes I think I'm a genius. Then I realize I've already seen this episode of Jeopardy.

   hopes Rush Limbaugh remembers to squeeze his fat a*s aboard Oxycontin Airlines and leave the country like he promised, now that health care legislation has been signed into law.

   wonders if retail stores in Afghanistan have a hard time taking inventory because of the tally ban.

   Tomorrow, I'm gonna write a blog post about procrastination.

   A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows.

   why is it whenur watchin a movie and some one says"dude did you see that" no I payed $6.00 to sit and watch the floor

   hiding hulk behind his zipper!!!

   nothing tears a family apart like pack of wild dogs.

   Because of The Hangover, the way I say "retard" has forever been changed...

   I pledge resistance to the Czar of the Divided States of America, and the Communism for which he stands. One Socialist, without God, divisible with healthcare and welfare for all.

   Enough With The Poking, Lets Just Have Sex

   in the mood to push someone down the stairs hit them over the head with a fire extinguisher then bury the body under the garden patio

   Hey! I said no pickles! That's it...I wanna speak to the frigg'n McManager!!!

   When the Chinese teach their babies to eat with chopsticks,do they start them off with toothpicks?

   knows that her house wont clean itself, but thinks that it really should make the effort!!!

   the last thing you'll ever do is die..... It's true, just wait and see

   I'm in a quite room with a bubble in my tummy.......... I wonder if the bubble is shy and quite or loud and ghetto.........stay tuned to find out!!!