Funny Status Messages

   it was once said that corey haim couldnt act the part of a corpse, way to show em corey, way to show em.

   Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

   The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

   According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.

   Corey Haim, dead. We can finally rule out and stop waiting for Lost Boys3, Licensce to Drive 2, Silver Bullet 2, Watchers 2, Dream a Little Dream3 and finally, Prayer of the Rollerboys2

   just had a work email from someone asking to "bare with me" until the system is back up. I replied that I didn't see how nudity would fix the problem.

   two ways to get friends you never knew you had, join facebook and pull out a pack of gum!!!

   Only a few of us have that special talent to trip UP the stairs.

   ...didn't even know that Lindsay Lohan was addicted to milk. I thought it was crack...

   hates doing laundry and wishes her clothes were suicidal so they would hang themselves

   just witnessed a guy in a Dominos uniform driving a UPS truck.. This is either grand theft auto or the most epic pizza trade ever.

   girls have unique powers they get wet without water, bleed without an injury & make boneless things get hard.

   messing with the new intern's mind and telling her to go pretend to water the fake plants...

   'Battery Low'....Why the hell didn't they install sockets in the toilet?!

   on the toilet pretending to be a fighter pilot dropping bombs into the ocean!

   No more b!tch pills for YOU miss crabby A$$

   I may be the girl of us two, but I think I've proven I've got way more balls.

   So put that in your juice box and suck it!

   If Tylenol, duct tape and a band-aid can't fix it...you've got serious problems.

   Dear Tequila: We had a deal. You were supposed to make me sexier, smarter and a better dancer. But I saw the video. And I think we need to talk...