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wonders when a seeing eye dog for the blind has a crap,who picks it up? 
....is saving a lot on her car insurance by beating the gecko over the head with batt! I hate those commercials!!! Die lizard die!!
Likes to practice my "emergency situation" speed at by pretending I'm being chased by zombies or a murderer every time I unlock the door or start the car at night.
│▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒│ scratch it! The jackpot is a NOBEL PRIZE!!! who knows you may b the next winner…
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs.
What has 10 brain cells, 200 legs and 400 children? Jeremy Kyle's Audience.
I got my gf a bag and a belt for her birthday. She wasn't happy, but the hoover works fine now
Who else, when they buy a magazine with a CD on the front, picks off the glue that holds it in place and rolls it around their fingers like it's some kind of mega snot?
Came out the gym the other day and someone asked me how I got that body.I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the boot and there she was".
when the grass looks greener on the other side, it could be that there's a septic tank over there.....
decorating the office with post-it notes
stuck in the red twisty tube at chuck e cheese....being poked at and laughed at by brats!
off to work to support the government, so they can support everyone but me
: God must have facebook...everyone seems to pray on it
wondering why so many people "wonder" on Facebook. Can't they just commit to their thoughts full on?
wants a footlong from Subaway...or something else with same amount of inches or greater... :)
waiting for the "hot now" sign to light up at the Krispy Kreme shop..
When Life Hands You: High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Fumaratem, Yellow #5, Natural and Artificial Flavours.....Make Lemonade!
wanna brag about how many followers you have and don't know, talk about useless crap, and prove to people how lonely you are.....Then join Twitter.
wonders at what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
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