Funny Status Messages

   thinking that for the life of me, I will never understand why anyone would take the time to grow virtual celery in Farmville.

   I always give 100% at work:13% Monday 22% Tuesday 26% Wednesday

   thinks Mondays should be banned from the calendar.

   a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never hear the end of it

   The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

   Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too?

   I got a letter from the Origami Association this morning. I don't know what to make of it.

   plans on dressing up as Kanye West for Halloween and just before the kids yell "Trick or Treat", jump out of the bushes and yell "Christmas is better".

   walked past a tree with a Man Utd 09/10 season ticket nailed to it, I thought sod it I'll have that. After all you can never have enough nails can u?

   says single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and then go to the fridge..........

   O how I love coming home to a bum having a full blown conversation with my freakin garbage pails about how they shouldnt be standing in the street because its dangerous and they could get hurt......

   three sheets to the wind and the platic thingy short of a six pack!

   thinks scare-crows should get Nobel prizes because they are out standing in their field

   A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

   I found out why smarties are round today.So they fit in the box.

   Now if I could just get my Facebook account to dispense Tim Horton's coffee...

   Sometimes when life hands you lemons you just need to take those lemons and throw them back in life's face and say "How dare you!!! Don't come back here till you have some oranges or at least a pretty good sized grapefruit!"

   Why does all the food that is "bad" for you have to taste so good? if only salad could taste like a cheeseburger and large fries then life would be perfect.

   When you feel like giving up. Just remember all the people who wanted to do great things but quit because it was too hard...Can't remember them? Me neither, because they gave up

   Laughter is the jam on the toast of life; it adds flavour, keeps it from becoming too dry, and makes it easier to swallow.