Funny Status Messages

   feels like I am at a crossroad. I know you should take the road less traveled... but then who do you hang out with?

   you know it's a strange day when a volkswagen pulls up in your driveway and a dozen clowns exit.

   seriously... who in their right mind puts clothes on a dog?

   I really dont understand how people can wear clothes that are 15 times the size of them resulting in them having to drag their feet when they walk to keep their pants from falling down and not realize how freakin nasty and disguisting they look.

   thinks that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: ‘Hope I don't get chased today.' ‘Be nice to people in sneakers.'

   Cant remember the original punchline as to why the chicken crossed the road ?! Little help ??

   So....I see Nike just signed Vick to a endorsement deal. I am assuming Nike definitely wont be the official shoe of PETA now.

   Was eating at Hooters, and started thinking. If they had door-to-door delivery, would they change their name to Knockers……

   Hitch hikers don't find it as amusing as I do when I give them the thumbs up as I drive by.

   I don't want Jack Nicholson on my wall when he can't even protect a thriteen year old from Roman Polanski

   thinking why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

   wondering why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

   attending “X is lonely and needs a friend. This is not a joke event I'm actually crying right now!” Confirmed Guests (0), Maybe Attending (0), Awaiting Reply (8), Not Attending (659)

   : When life hands you High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Fumarate, Yellow 5, Tocopherol and less that 2% Natural Flavors....then make lemonade!

   If I were an animal, I'd eat vegetarians

   just measured Jared from Subways commercials waist size he actually got bigger

   You guys are so confusing - You tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! ~"

   Gorgeous, Intelligent, kind, Sweet, charming, ,Fun, Friendly... Well enough about ME! How are you??

   thinks that they should change the name of Starbucks to Fivebucks

   If this was 1999, would you have ever thought 10 years from now you could sit on the toilet while updating your facebook status???