Funny Status Messages

   mooning traffic for her own entertainment

   reset the alarm clock from AM to PM...haha you missed work!

   Good morning Tuesday. Please don't come at me so early next time. And if it isn't too big of a deal, I would really like you to change your name to Saturday.

   ; Not every flower can say love,but a rose can..Not every plant survives thirst,but a cactus can..Not every retard can read,but look at you having a go

   such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster

   Rep. Joe Wilson, Serena Williams, and Kanye West should be casted in the next season of VH1's Charm School...

   I couldn't sleep last night! He wouldn't leave me alone, I told him to stop I wasn't in the mood. He wouldn't listen he began exploring my body...I woke up with mosquito bites all over. I guess he couldn't get enough of me!

   This is a test of the facebook emergency notification system. Had this been an actual emergency, the entire message would have been in capital letters and you would have been directed to post this as your status message immediately. This is only a test.

   now taking applications for the perfect boyfriend. Please leave your credit card numbers and your make/model of pick up truck. (Your name is optional.)...:D

   feeling a little off today, anyone want to turn me on?

   draws him in with a hypnotic glance, rips off his shirt, throws him up against the wall, presses her body against his & whispers in his ear... GOT CHOCOLATE?

   ...so, is it to soon to ask Whoopi Goldberg if she's heard from Patrick Swayze yet?

   ended her relationship with Kanye West...

   Who's the Worst??..Chris Brown, Kanye West, Michael Vick...One punches a girl in the eye...One Makes a young girl cry....One makes a Dog fight to Die.

   got a new gig as John & Kate's divorce counsellor. It's going well except she's a screaming lunatic and he's a 32 year old imbecile in Ed Hardy t-shirts. We're working on it...

   just said "no" to Kanye and Serena's FB friend requests.

   found Waldo. Other than the shirt, what was all the fuss about.

   getting a little tired of her husband writing "for marijuana" in the memo line of our cheques...

   wishes the Kool-Aid guy would bust through my wall.

   says ladies...don't be looking for the white knights on horses... keep your eye out for the vampire in the volvo!!!