Funny Status Messages

   a giant hangover octopus stuck to my head.

   noticed your mother has been calling me a lot, wondering whats that about?

   off like a prom dress.

   weaving a blanket from bellybutton fluff...where does this stuff come from?

   made my car into a hybrid by siphoning gas out of your tank.

   drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha's against drunk dialing)

   is learning that there is a book on stupid, jealous, psychotic tendencies in trying to be like your mans x's. I knew it.. I knew someone had to give her directions!!

   thinking why did I ever doubt myself?.. You came along and reassured me of how great I am..thanks loser!

   loving that 170 lbs I lost when you left.. not only do I look better.. I dont have your extra weight to carry around!

   its funny how guys show off their muscles just to get girls attention, but never show off brains.

   eat your profile views and comments up. They'll make you big and popular because at the end of the day nobody's gonna give a damn right?........right.

   wondering whats so great about "bees knees"

   tired of counting down to the next weekend or vacation so.... only 18,245 days until retirement. Take that society!

   Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway.......

   Life is for living, I live for you. Dreams are for dreaming I dream for you. Hearts are for beating Mine beats for you. Angels are for keeping Can I keep you?

   Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing!!!!!

   Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.....

   I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people............

   Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.......

   Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else......