mel Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon If Homer Simpson were a Democratic Congressman from Springfield, Ohio, he’d be “Homer Simpson (D-OH)"
←Rate | 01-15-2015 17:31 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well, today I realized that boobytrap backwards is partyboob, I think I've learned all that is possible for my brain to hold....
←Rate | 11-27-2012 20:52 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon You want confessions? Lock a person in a room with a laptop, a facebook account & a bottle of booze ...
←Rate | 11-08-2011 14:59 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't think it gets lonely at the North Pole, take into consideration that Santa named one of his reindeer 'Vixen'.
←Rate | 12-18-2013 14:07 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don't you eat all the food?
←Rate | 11-24-2012 22:39 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon The fact that there are a lot people in this world that are significantly more successful than me based solely on their hunt for Bigfoot is really sad.
←Rate | 11-24-2012 22:34 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon We hope your holiday season is off to a great start and if it's not you'll keep that whiny $#!t to yourself.
←Rate | 11-24-2012 22:41 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus
←Rate | 12-04-2011 12:57 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wouldn't it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?
←Rate | 12-26-2011 12:22 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon If Katniss and Peeta from “Hunger Games” were Hollywood celebrities, their super couple nickname would either be Katpee or Peeniss.”
←Rate | 01-15-2015 17:30 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever someone asks, "you look familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Well do you watch porn...?"
←Rate | 11-08-2011 14:58 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saved hours of small talk by switching to fat hoes.
←Rate | 09-02-2013 11:53 by MEL Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just did 100 crunches, and I'll be damned if there aren't just crumbs everywhere.
←Rate | 11-27-2012 20:48 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon Will you be my Alentine? If so, later I will give you the V.
←Rate | 01-31-2014 20:43 by Mel Comments (0)  

   messageicon realizes that sometimes the one you think is your knight in shining armour might actually turn out to be a retard in a tin foil.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 16:26 by Mel Comments (0)  


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