J. BIAZA Funny Status Messages

   Be careful when it comes to reincarnation…. one time I asked to be a singer and I spent 30 years as a sewing machine.

   You'd think that after all these years of practice I'd be good at waking up by now.

   Dear Dominos Pizza, gotta question. After I rate your food directly on the box do you review the results from my garbage can?

   I always say the things better left unsaid.

   I saw a sign on the door of a Wal-Mart that said “It is illegal to set off fireworks inside the building.” I really wish I had been there on the day they decided it was necessary to post that.

   Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.

   It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.

   Sometimes I think that life is one big test...and I'm in the wrong classroom.

   I know my limits. I don't pay any attention to them, but I know them.

   I don't know about y'all but every time I see that Direct TV commercial...I really want a miniature giraffe.

   Watching depression medication commercials makes me depressed. I'm just glad herpes commercials don't have the same effect.

   Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.

   I am on hold. My call is important to them.

   You're her boyfriend?! That's cool! I'm her manfriend!

   I've had to cancel my impotence clinic appointment. Something's come up.

   Insanity means never having to say “I'm Guilty”.

   Health plans are like hospital gowns…You only think you're covered.

   Thought I was having deja-vu but it turns out I do the exact same things every day

   A smile is like tight underwear…it makes your cheeks go up.

   There has gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers all the words to 'Baby Got Back'.