Funny Status Messages Search

X is I think I'm ready for a man in my life again. I cleaned out one drawer...in the kitchen, two inches of hanger space...in the hall closet and enough room for one pair of shoes...on the porch.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-31-2010 15:52 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X says the definition of Door: What my dog is perpetually on the wrong side of!

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-05-2010 18:53 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X is I don't know who's apartment I stayed at last night, but I just showered here and their shampoo is PHENOMINAL.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-07-2010 12:45 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X 's doctor advised her to eat better, excercise more and quit drinking. Incidentally, X has out lived her last three doctor's that suggested the same thing.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-11-2010 17:56 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X is an angel. When someone breaks my wings, I simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. I am flexible.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-12-2010 13:58 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X has changed the title of today from: Bill Paying Day to Check Writing Day. Yes, I am writing checks...but the bills are not necessarily gonna get paid. We'll see who posts them at the bank faster! Moooowahahahahaha

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-03-2010 18:15 by Hot Tea Comments (1)

X Not surprisingly, slow-cooked Leprechauns taste just like corned beef!

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-17-2010 16:06 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-25-2010 16:44 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X was completely unaware that October was Vagina Awareness Month. I thought all the twats on TV were due to the upcoming election.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-22-2010 14:18 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X Wonders how much I will go for on ebay. Let the bidding begin!!!

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-24-2010 04:29 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X wants to change out the sound of her car horn for gun fire. I mean, who has an urge to blow a trumpet when you get road rage anyhow?

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-25-2010 18:57 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X If you're not with me, you're against me!! And, if you're against me...well, hello there!! ;)

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-26-2010 03:52 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X Sometimes, the problem is your underwear.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-26-2010 21:22 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X DEFENITION: Jagermeister - Irreversable decisions in a bottle.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-09-2010 08:13 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X Veteran: Someone that wants to choke the crap out of the punk in front of you for not taking his hat off during the National Anthem. Someone that still gets queasy around dehydrated food. Someone that has to use all their might to not tear up during "Taps

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-11-2010 11:34 by Hot Tea Comments (1)

X The combination of wet-phlegm laryngitis and requesting Mucinex D from the pharmacist produced comedic results that cannot be cleanly reproduced on Facebook.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-16-2010 19:57 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X Does anyone know the over under on people getting trampled to death at the Great Wal-Mart of China next week?

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-17-2010 08:13 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn't work. I'm going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-18-2010 13:04 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X It's 2011. You'd think we'd have a toothpaste that doesn't ruin orange juice by now.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-30-2010 20:06 by Hot Tea Comments (4)

X Yes Officer, I do know why you pulled me over. To single-handedly destroy any chance I had of accomplishing my New Years Resolution goal of becoming a Saint before the sun even came up this morning.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-01-2011 15:11 by Hot Tea Comments (0)