@zubindalal1 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my ass, I can't.
←Rate | 01-15-2013 12:26 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cop stopped me and asked "Do you know why I followed you " so I said "because my tweets are funny" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in Jail.....
←Rate | 01-12-2013 00:31 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pi*sed. Not my fault they don't have Windows.
←Rate | 01-16-2013 06:17 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear women, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest ..... Eat a banana!
←Rate | 02-03-2013 12:31 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I appreciate the Super Bowl for uniting all Americans in our inability to read Roman numerals.
←Rate | 02-03-2013 13:06 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I don't mention you, then the status wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace it up and wear it.
←Rate | 01-14-2013 02:04 by @zubindalal1 Comments (1)  


   messageicon How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don't show it to her.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 00:43 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
←Rate | 01-15-2013 00:48 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
←Rate | 01-16-2013 00:58 by @zubindalal1 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "You've changed" ... No, I think the proper term is "I've stopped trying to please your ass."
←Rate | 01-15-2013 02:09 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you have to accept that the person you fall for isn't ready to catch you.
←Rate | 02-03-2013 12:30 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist..
←Rate | 06-21-2012 02:47 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
←Rate | 01-24-2013 01:00 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the "M" of MTV was for music & not for maternity... Those were the days
←Rate | 01-15-2013 00:50 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon International Women’s Day……Cause it’s not like you want attention on any other day…
←Rate | 03-08-2013 09:39 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you love somebody... Let them go. If they come back, no one wanted them
←Rate | 01-18-2013 11:13 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most girls: "I hangout with guys, there's less drama." Me: "I hangout by myself. There's no drama
←Rate | 01-15-2013 00:50 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life and beer are very similar……..chill for best results.
←Rate | 01-12-2013 08:07 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just realised why women love shoes over clothing, because no matter how much weight they gain, the shoes still fit.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 23:59 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like a girl that isn't afraid to jump in front of me during a robbery & say “babe, please. I got this one, you bought dinner.”
←Rate | 06-19-2012 13:12 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  



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