@topherjordan Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I just saved a TON of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.
←Rate | 10-26-2012 23:53 by @topherjordan Comments (3)  

   messageicon The best part about shopping at Wal-Mart is getting the whole soap/personal care section all to yourself.
←Rate | 12-20-2012 11:05 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Congress should be forced to go on minimum wage. That way I can feel more comfortable calling them public servants!
←Rate | 02-14-2013 19:23 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to those 5 extra minutes of sleep I got because of the snooze button I'm not even tired anymore --Said no one ever!
←Rate | 12-06-2012 21:05 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
←Rate | 01-15-2013 12:00 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Christmas tree isn't the only thing that's getting lit this time of year.
←Rate | 12-24-2012 13:06 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon The perfect day is one where the only decision you have to make is which drink to order.
←Rate | 01-22-2013 13:26 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon The gym manager just gave me a dirty look....Apparently, reverse cowgirl is not an appropriate way to ride the exercise bike.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 09:08 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon I see you speeding up when I'm trying to pass you. Why couldn't you go this fast when I was behind you?
←Rate | 08-01-2012 02:54 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're never going to change the world by trying to fit in.
←Rate | 01-08-2013 16:55 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's no place like home. (to poop)
←Rate | 07-27-2012 23:00 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why am I still up? No wait, better yet, why am I still sober?
←Rate | 12-15-2012 04:21 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon I consider myself a social drinker....which means I'm pretty much social all the time.
←Rate | 12-07-2012 19:45 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm eating nothing but comfort food tonight...cookies, ice cream, pizza. I don't even care, but I think I'm starting to like food way more than people.
←Rate | 12-14-2012 21:53 by @topherjordan Comments (1)  

   messageicon I quit believing in reincarnation several lives ago.
←Rate | 07-29-2012 11:20 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really hope I never become famous because I'm really horrible at hooking up with celebrities.
←Rate | 01-15-2013 14:06 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate arrogant people....It's like they think they're better than me...No one is better than me!
←Rate | 07-22-2012 17:27 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance! *this fb status had been approved and paid for by Alcohol
←Rate | 07-29-2012 15:35 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you posted that worthless legal disclaimer on your Facebook page, you might also want to post that you won't be signing autographs when you get off of work at 5 today.
←Rate | 11-27-2012 09:00 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're home alone and wearing pants, you're doing it wrong!
←Rate | 07-29-2012 01:46 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

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