@richardmooney26 Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My girlfriend is adorable, smart, sexy, and looking over my shoulder as I type.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 21:02 by @richardmooney26 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 20:17 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The secret of enjoying a good wine is to open the bottle to allow it to breathe. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 09:10 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Great Idea! Tiny headphones for pigeons who are self-conscious about their head bopping and want to make it look like they're listening to music.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 12:51 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you've never farted in a cup then handed it to a friend asking them "does this smell funny to you?", you probably can't deal with me.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 22:15 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 3.67 billion Women in the world and I just had to make my own sandwich! :(
←Rate | 04-08-2012 19:48 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I call bullsh*t on potholes! There's no weed in there, trust me, I checked.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 14:57 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the only thing ORIGINAL in this world is weed. so sit back, chill out and talk to the cat.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 10:47 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They were talking about that Mary Magdalene in church again today. What a skank.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 19:42 by @richardmooney26 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Just received a text from my wife saying, "You're a childish prick sometimes." I was so annoyed. I thought I'd hidden her phone really well this time.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 06:32 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And on this day, high-fructose corn syrup rose again, in fulfillment of the scriptures. And there was childhood obesity. And it was good.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 19:41 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never know who your real friends are until you post something that is not funny.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 10:14 by @richardmooney26 Comments (0)  


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