@plasticmortal Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I would like to see a tax on every word that come out of the mouth of politicians. That should balance the budget in a day or two.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 16:53 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love is best when it overflows freely from the heart, rather than you having to reach in to get your fill.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 14:51 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whoa whoa, calm down Swiffer commercials, you're a wet paper towel on a stick
←Rate | 07-29-2012 02:47 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Pringles originally intended to make tennis balls
←Rate | 05-09-2010 02:31 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon a instant human.........just add coffee
←Rate | 05-03-2010 11:32 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon the only thing not covered by the new health care bill is busting your ass
←Rate | 03-31-2010 20:44 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon according to lipton the best way to make tea is to agitate the bag so every morning morning I slap the wife on the ass and say two sugars fatty
←Rate | 10-30-2011 18:07 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
←Rate | 11-11-2012 05:37 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man stopped me in the street today and asked me the quickest way to a hospital, so I pushed him under a bus!
←Rate | 11-01-2011 09:52 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon God created pollsters to make astrologers look accurate
←Rate | 11-05-2012 08:58 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 02:58 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 02:33 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 03:15 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 02:46 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink, but you can make him wish he had!
←Rate | 09-23-2010 07:01 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hold your mother today, she was the first to hold you, she held you for 9 months.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 12:33 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 02:54 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 16:06 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Old people need to urinate all the time... That's why they call it the golden years"
←Rate | 05-09-2010 02:27 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
←Rate | 05-09-2010 02:44 by @plasticmortal Comments (0)  


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