@plasticmortal Funny Status Messages
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I would like to see a tax on every word that come out of the mouth of politicians. That should balance the budget in a day or two.
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Love is best when it overflows freely from the heart, rather than you having to reach in to get your fill.
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Whoa whoa, calm down Swiffer commercials, you're a wet paper towel on a stick
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I think Pringles originally intended to make tennis balls
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a instant human.........just add coffee
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the only thing not covered by the new health care bill is busting your ass
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according to lipton the best way to make tea is to agitate the bag so every morning morning I slap the wife on the ass and say two sugars fatty
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I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
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A man stopped me in the street today and asked me the quickest way to a hospital, so I pushed him under a bus!
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God created pollsters to make astrologers look accurate
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself.
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The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
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You can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink, but you can make him wish he had!
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Hold your mother today, she was the first to hold you, she held you for 9 months.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.
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"Old people need to urinate all the time... That's why they call it the golden years"
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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