@cdowney84 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon my doctor: "do you have any pains after sexual intercourse?'' me: "well, they usually don't call back afterwards, and that kinda hurts."
←Rate | 11-27-2011 09:49 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
←Rate | 10-14-2011 23:37 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about the daylight savings tonight is that I get to hear last call called twice.
←Rate | 11-05-2011 17:10 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who needs dance lessons when you've got alcohol?!
←Rate | 11-19-2011 11:20 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't remember anything past "we have 60 minutes to drink this keg."
←Rate | 10-15-2011 00:05 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess taking pics of your food has finally replaced taking your pic in the bathroom mirror? Great, now I get to see that you can't cook OR clean...
←Rate | 11-10-2011 17:54 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just seen a video of Miley Cyrus singing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on YouTube... As if a shotgun to the face wasn't tragic enough for Nirvana.
←Rate | 12-11-2011 13:30 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎"I'm here for you if you need anything" a.k.a. "I wanna be the next guy you bang"
←Rate | 11-27-2011 20:23 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon chain wallets are a great way to let the ladies know that you've got about $7 that you don't wanna lose.
←Rate | 12-14-2011 17:57 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I attend wedding simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."open bar"
←Rate | 09-09-2011 21:51 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Biggest turn on: When a girl picks the iron as her Monopoly piece.
←Rate | 11-14-2011 19:25 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon do me a favor, next time you have to "go to the left of your profile and select the first 8 friends", just go ahead and punch yourself in the face. And remember, NO CHEATING!!
←Rate | 09-07-2011 21:04 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I DIDN'T SAY THAT YOUR GIRL WAS A $LUT! I MERELY INDICATED THAT HER "PRIVATE PARTS" WERE MORE LIKE "PUBLIC PARTS"
←Rate | 09-22-2011 20:17 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
←Rate | 10-14-2011 23:41 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding, right?
←Rate | 10-14-2011 23:45 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon shoutout to all the ugly b!tch's who have "pretty girl rock" as their ringtone.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 11:38 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my women the same way I like my hangover, gone by the time I get out of bed.
←Rate | 12-11-2011 13:32 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
←Rate | 10-14-2011 23:38 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good Idea: Trying to talk your way out of a ticket Bad Idea: Telling the cop that he/she is very attractive, and that's not just the booze talking.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 16:18 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


   messageicon does anyone else only watch the show "Hardcore Pawn" cause they read the title wrong? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 17:09 by @cdowney84 Comments (0)  


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