@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon not sure which pants to wear today... smarty or fancy.
←Rate | 04-26-2011 20:46 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember the good ol' days when people robbed banks... not the other way around?
←Rate | 08-11-2011 15:01 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my tombstone to say "Don't just stand there... water my flowers."
←Rate | 08-19-2011 22:49 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I'm on the phone with someone I like to scream WAIT DON'T HANG UP right as they're hanging up... then not answer when they call back.
←Rate | 02-11-2011 22:39 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that button in the elevator with the fireman's hat on it... turns out that is not the button you push if you want a fireman's hat.
←Rate | 01-31-2011 12:08 by @The69Sheriff Comments (4)  


   messageicon I think that every horoscope should read: "Your day is already a failure... you rely on horoscopes."
←Rate | 05-04-2011 20:59 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gently placing your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shh, not another word" is super romantic... but cops don't seem to think so.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 20:43 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook asks me what I'm thinking... Twitter asks what I'm doing... 4Square asks where I am. Conclusion: The internet is my girlfriend.
←Rate | 02-22-2011 16:05 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
←Rate | 02-08-2011 19:14 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I push the soap dispenser and it's empty I usually pretend it wasn't and wash my hands with the ghost soap that came out.
←Rate | 05-26-2011 13:47 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
←Rate | 03-23-2011 19:53 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I used to call my house after curfew wait for my mom to answer and say, 'I got it Mom' then hang up and stay out all night.
←Rate | 06-10-2011 16:38 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon a problem with Kinect for X-Box... if I wanted to use my entire body to play sports... I would just play sports.
←Rate | 11-30-2010 17:05 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't think you should ever compliment a lady on her mustache... no matter how magnificent it is.
←Rate | 12-15-2010 09:22 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon just cut in front of a guy wearing camoflage waiting in a long line and when he said something about it... I told him I didn't see him.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 16:18 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who wants to help me fill blow-up dolls with helium and release them tomorrow?
←Rate | 05-20-2011 20:42 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon surrounded by askholes today... yes, "askholes" as in people who constantly ask you stupid questions.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 15:07 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should make a Rosetta Stone that helps men understand what the f*ck women are actually trying to say.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 15:29 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never know when it will strike... but there comes a moment at work when I've made up my mind that I'm not doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
←Rate | 05-04-2011 21:00 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned one thing from Facebook... it's how to get a ton of work done in an hour after wasting 80% of my day Facebooking.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 15:28 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  



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