@HiYourJon Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.
←Rate | 12-09-2011 13:13 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heard a girl just say that she "literally died". So she's either a zombie or too stupid to live. Either way, I threw a stapler at her.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 14:07 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm assuming everyone else also spent the whole day stockpiling downloaded porn to their computer too; just in case SOPA passes, right guys?
←Rate | 01-18-2012 21:29 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wounder if other birds look at pigeons in the same way that we look at homeless crackheads
←Rate | 01-11-2012 12:29 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Apple has announced that there will be no 2012, only 2011S.
←Rate | 12-31-2011 18:27 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank god I have Facebook to know that Christmas Eve is tomorrow and that people are going Christmas shopping and that Christmas is Sunday.
←Rate | 12-23-2011 16:31 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon The criminals on Scooby Doo suck! A bunch of teenage stoners and a DOG just solved your crime. I think you need a new line of work my friend
←Rate | 03-23-2012 14:15 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the Pillsbury Doughboy goes outside on a really really hot day, does he turn into a biscuit??
←Rate | 02-06-2012 22:31 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Once in a lifetime - a person comes along and changes everything. I am not that person. But I did meet him once and acted awkward when I was around him.
←Rate | 02-22-2012 21:31 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm waiting for Joseph Kony to make a YouTube video advocating against jerking off in public.
←Rate | 03-16-2012 17:13 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Todays a perfect day to walk down the street dressed as Santa Clause while holding a bottle of Jack Daniels, sobbing & yelling  "You guys forgot about me!"
←Rate | 04-08-2012 18:03 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday was the second day, of the second week, of the second month, of the second year, of the second decade, of the second milliennium = Twoception
←Rate | 02-08-2012 01:57 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they've all escaped!"
←Rate | 02-23-2012 11:39 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon One time when I was 8 years old, a bear wearing a hat came up to me in the woods and told me ONLY I could prevent forest fires. Why he chose me, I will never know.
←Rate | 03-25-2012 19:38 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whoever taught Yoda English in High School did a horrible job.
←Rate | 02-01-2012 20:20 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I brought like 19 goldfish to a 'Cash for Gold' store and they wouldn't even pay me a dollar. Not even a dollar! THIS IS BULLSHIIT!!!
←Rate | 02-03-2012 15:41 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon These girls in my online class are sooo hot hot. ... Oh wait nevermind, that's just internet porn.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 23:39 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon When sh!t hits the fan, you have to make the decision to stop chilling with people who throw their own feces at ceiling fans. Seriously guys
←Rate | 01-23-2012 15:29 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I take the cat approach to things now. When people that I don't like pass by, I just hiss at them.
←Rate | 12-18-2011 23:46 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love Sundays, because my Italian grandmother cooks THE BEST crystal meth.
←Rate | 04-29-2012 13:59 by @HiYourJon Comments (0)  


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