topherboy1981 Funny Status Messages

   So if you ever want to experience the closest thing to a zombie apocalypse, all you have to do is wait in line for Black Friday at your nearest Wal-Mart...

   hi weekend! let me introduce you to my basement..........you're not going anywhere!

   gotta love it when 75% of commercials are political ads. I find it odd that I'm actually looking forward to when commercials are 100% commercials again.

   so I didn't want to wake up this morning and go to work. It's not that I don't like my job, it's just that I like being lazy more...

   Burger King's new company slogan: "When it comes to hunger, we don't horse around"...

   have you ever been so sure about something that you were unsure about how sure you were exactly. I'm sure I'm totally unsure about being positively sure to the point of not being positively sure about my integrity of sureness...

   Life is short. Tell the people you care about that you love the them. But tell them in German because life is also scary and confusing...

   who knew a politician named wiener could get into so much trouble?

   Bacon is best served with a side of bacon

   I want to run for president so I can make it legal to punch stupid people square in the face. I'll make punching stupid people my campaign.

   Why hello Mr. Cup of Tea which is scoldingly hot for the next 30 minutes but magically becomes ice tea 1 minute later..

   no letters were harmed in the making of this status update....okay, maybe the letter E's got stabbed but they had it coming....

   you know what's an odd habit? People who talk with their hands while talking on a cell phone........seriously.....who's that sh*t for?

   with the upcoming end of the world quickly approaching, in lieu of Christmas cards this year, I have sent out checks out to all my friends in the amount of $1,000,000 post dated 12/22/2012. Good luck finding a bank that isn't under water everyone!

   So Donald Trump is looking to run for president in 2012. I'd vote for him just to watch him tell Obama he's fired ;>)

   might not be the sharpest marble in the crayon box

   when I make love, I like to do so to the sounds of the Star Trek theme, so that way the girl feels she's going to a place where no other girl has gone before

   Growing up, all I wanted was Girls Gone Wild. As an adult, I ended up with Bills Gone Wild

   I like to play "I Spy" with total strangers and stare at them and say "I spy an idiot"...

   BREAKING NEWS: This just in two days after purchasing Lucas Arts, Disney in a deal with Harpo Studios will hire Oprah to play the role of Jar Jar Binks in the new upcoming Star Wars 7 movie...