shoesan Funny Status Messages

   it's funny how social networking has made people more antisocial.

   When I'm really bored at work I like to write "I'm watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.

   I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way. Which is really the WRONG way, only faster!

   Whenever someone says "Expect the unexpected" I get the urge to smack them and say "It's not as good as it sounds, is it?"

   Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

   Friends are like underwear.... Some crawl up your butt... Some snap under pressure... Some don't have the strength to hold you up... Some get a little twisted... Some are your favorite.Some are cheap & just plain nasty.And some actually do cover your butt

   Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have a few things I need to confess: I let the dogs out, I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I hacked play station, I was on Navy Seal Team 6 and YES I did cause global warming.

   4 things you can't recover: The stone..after the throw. The word..after it's said. The occasion..after it's missed. The time..after it's gone.

   not stalking you. By the way, you are out of sugar.

   ooh lookie my mood ring is a beautiful shade of I dont give a crap

   Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

   My new life goal is to do something worthy of being on a commemorative plate while holding a commemorative plate.

   RIP Donna Summer NOW we will never know who left the cake out in the rain

   gonna miss Gaddafi's outfits. He makes Lady Gaga look like Johnny Cash

   This has been idiot week. Thank you so much for participating!!

   American Idol would be more exciting if there was a trap door contestants fell through immediately upon hearing the news of being sent home

   The White House Tuesday argued "President Barack Obama's "steady diplomacy" had made America stronger and renewed its moral authority in his first year in office"..............WOW that kool aide they drink IS Powerful STUFF!!

   Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend ppl one by one.

   All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

   I'm watching for anyone complaining about the heat. I will copy your post and save it for winter. Then I WILL paste it to your profile with WHO IS HOT NOW when you are buried snow. OH you know who you are!