shawnee Funny Status Messages

   Almost Valentine's day. Don't worry if you've been dumped, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just kidding, the oil spill killed them all.

   So I know it was kind of wicked of me to make chocolate chip cookies when you are on a diet, but I licked them all when they came out of the oven so you wouldn't be tempted.

   so lazy that sometimes I just sit around staring at something I want that is across the room from the couch (okay, on the coffee table) and wish I had go-go gadget arms.

   My GPS keeps sending me through sketchy neighborhoods, but I go along, ‘cause I don't want my GPS to think I'm racist.

   Bristol Palin says she'll eventually run for political office. Americans say they'll eventually run for Canada.

   For the record, if my mother ever tells you she uses Oxycontin to remove stains, it's not true.

   thinks that the older I get , the more young people look the same...That, or Justin Bieber just delivered my nespaper.

   Working out sucks...maybe I'll just spring for liposuction and 639 muscle implants.

   Facebook suggested that I become a friend of Jesus...is that some sort of sign?

   The Packers had a Super Bowl celebration & as a special treat, Christina Aguilera came & messed up the words to “We Are the Champions."

   Signs you are getting old: My friend was asked last week how she can sleep so early at night, and answered, "an eyemask." The person who asked wanted to know how an iMask worked.

   My fat friends all want to go to dinner and my skinny friends all want to go to yoga.

   reminds you that the proper abbreviation for Sex and the City is SATC2, not Sex...Stop inviting me to go watch sex with you.