shamus Funny Status Messages

   Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna' be a great day.

   Following a successful off-season surgery, Favre appears ready to return for his 20th NFL season.... lobotomies must heal fairly quickly.

   Breakfast was going well until that creepy new Tiger Woods commercial with his late father's voice came on... now I'm just playing with my oatmeal.

   When you think all the way back to being sperm, we are all winners.

   Following a successful off-season surgery, Favre appears ready to return for his 20th NFL season.... lobotomies must heal fairly quickly.

   born at a very young age.

   Onomatopoeias are one thing, but then there are words that look like what they are... like bed.

   Went to see Hot Tub Time Machine... turned out to be raunchy, simple-minded, sophomoric, crude, brainless, poorly executed slapstick. Yep, it was right in my wheelhouse.

   Inefficiency: Getting a letter in the mail saying a census is coming next week, then a census form a week later, then a postcard a week later saying a census came a week earlier.

   I always wanted a good job and to drive fancy cars... finally I am a valet.

   Spell SWIMS upside down... this is going to blow your mind!

   I tuned into the Miss Universe Pageant hoping to see Miss Jupiter, but it turns out only Earth entered the competition.

   R.I.P. Mr. Steinbrenner... I never really "hated" your Yankees, just wish you would have bought the Braves!

   Two mancode violations to report this week: caught a guy reading his horoscope out loud to his friends, and caught wind at work that one of my friends rode on the back of another guy's motorcycle. Flagrant.

   if the Cowboys are "America's Team," we might as well just learn to like soccer.

   i just hate it when I buy a loaf of bread with an odd number of slices. That last slice always seems to get neglected.