levelhead Funny Status Messages

   Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.

   I can tell how uncomfortable a person is just by hugging them for 17 minutes.

   So yesterday at about this time, I was all like, "I'm so thankful for my friends, my life, my freedom." Today...I'd risk prison punching you in the neck for a flat screen.

   Just going through my old FB statuses & deleting the ones no one liked so I don't look lame.

   Just spilled a drop of my 5 Hour Energy Shot...I'm thinking 4 hours and 4 minutes now.

   Before you judge me, know that I don't give a crap. Ok, go ahead.

   Saaay, there's that turkey. #bowlwinder

   If your neighbors seem like the "nicest, quietest, friendliest" people, they probably have kidnapped humans in their basement zoo.

   Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I'm not reading it.

   "Half a dozen" -Because "six" is way too long.

   Hold on Kanye, Imma let you finish, but first, Jay Z and Beyonce have already had the greatest baby of ALL TIME!

   "Val Kilmer really was the best Batman." ~Nobody, not even Val Kilmer

   THONY DEVITO 07/17/2012 No matter how busy I am, I always manage to make room in my life to get unreasonably angry when an update I'm proud of gets no reaction.