l Funny Status Messages

   My 2011 New Years Resolution is to hangout with more than 2 of my facebook friends.

   The girl on the flyer is never at the club.

   I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone

   Why do I have to add my birthday to your calendar? It's on my page.

   200 Happy Birthday Messages on my wall and all I got was a Farmville tractor.

   when I die.... my older posts will keep you entertained forever.

   Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?

   I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

   Who needs the NFL Ticket when you have Facebook?

   Super Bowl Weekend!! Should I wear my shot glasses or beer goggles??

   "im gonna have to steal this" my number one "compliment"

   Do I turn left where nothing is right? Or do I turn right where nothing is left?..

   can't get with this day light savings, I'm moving to Hawaii.

   Ladies stop wearing them pajama pants and them dirty Uggs!!

   2012: get rich or die Mayan!

   i wake up, stare at the ceiling, I'm alive, what a beautiful feeling

   You can't threaten me with Work when I came to Work.

   Ladies walk the dog don't let the dog walk you

   Pro tip: the kids run around a little longer of you forget to hide the eggs

   Im tryin to beat The Heat like Dirk Nowitzki.