jerry carter Funny Status Messages

   My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers!

   I have an electric stove, but I prefer acoustic. The proceeding random thought was for all my musician friends........

   Bad reaction to medication. I will never buy my meds from the trunk of a Buick again!

   We were so close, I never noticed I had been deleted as a friend.

   I had no idea Baltimore had won any type of championship!!!!

   I watched some of the debate last night...I kept on waiting for someone to say "Live from New York it's Saturday Nite"!!!!! But it never happened.....

   You can only put the wheels on a wagon so many times, then it's time for a new wagon!

   Heading to the pawn shop. We have an extra 5 gallons of gas and gonna make some money!

   Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.

   If you want to know anything, come over to my house...my wife apparently knows everything.

   Are you tired of wal-mart rushing our holiday's? I can't believe it, They already have birthday cards out and it's still months away from my birthday!!!!

   It's so hot outside, Our hummingbirds are demanding red gatorade!

   It is so hot, and I have typed so much, I am having to dunk my fingers in gatorade to keep them from cramping!

   Well it appears coming soon to a store near you...The Morning After Pill. Marketed in fun filled colors and your favorite cartoon characters. You can choose from flintstone, gummy bear, buggs bunny, or any of your favorite Disney characters...

   Makeup, soda, sandwich, texting, talking, then I realized she was driving the car in front of me, in traffic.

   My bank account has been hacked....The hacker felt so sorry for me, he sent me a message and has started a gofundme page......

   I watched the Olympics last night....I first watched competitive house remodeling, then Cooking with the nuwave oven, and finally finished the evening off with what I thought was going to be open water shark vacuuming....Olympics have sure changed...

   I think The Timeline went a bit too far when it posted a photo of me being conceived!!!!!

   I watched the news reports on what was going on in Chicago!!!! I had no idea Trump won the playoffs!!!!

   Zombies are dropping dead all over Washington, and other state capitals. Reports by foxnews say they are starving to death, due to no significant brain tissue in these areas!!!