jeff Funny Status Messages

   saw a billboard sign that said: NEED HELP, CALL JESUS 1-800-555-3787 Out of curiosity, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

   To the woman at WalMart with all those screaming, unruly kids. I slipped a large box of condoms in your cart when your head was turned. You are so welcome!

   The movie "The Social Network" about facebook earned 9 million dollars in sales Friday night to top all movies. Imagine what they could have done if those veiwers had dates!

   Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!

   A man gets on a plane with 6 kids. The flight attendant asks, "Are these your kids?" The man replies, "No, I work for Trojan and these are customer complaints!"

   Uh oh...just saw the little devil from my left shoulder drop kick the little angel off my right shoulder a minute ago...this can't be good.

   Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!

   When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus!

   Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.

   the pill...... the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy

   Just saved a bunch of money on my Mental Insurance by switching to Psycho!

   Somewhere in Florida, a strip club just gained an employee.

   there has to be a woman out there thinking to herself right now..." man I wish someone would pick me up like a bowling ball"

   Whew, I wasn't aware pumpkin carving was that much work. Whatever happened to a couple eyes, a nose and a mouth?

   ran 2.7 miles today. apparently the ice cream truck doesnt have rear view mirrors.

   if you are 17, and still dressing up and coming to my house for Halloween, you sure as hell better say "Trick or Treat" and "Thank You" like the little kids do.

   Blind hookers...ya gotta hand it to em!

   I knew Brett Favre was in for a long year when he threw that interception in the Wrangler commercial.

   Everyday I'm shoveling!

   the S or the C silent in the word scent?