jb Funny Status Messages

   If it doesn't kill me the first time... your damn right I'm gunna do it again!!

   I don't regret my past I just regret the time I've wasted with the wrong people!

   U know I bet people would become a lot nicer if they sold people tags like they sell deer tags. Once a year you can buy a tag and take out that 1 special person

   Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better...

   There's a few people that I wouldn't mind haveing installed on my driveway as speed bumps..

   I have a truck, shovel and a map, I dare you to keep pissing me off.

   Its Funny How Sitting "Boy Girl Boy Girl" Used To Be a Punishment.

   When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

   "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

   I Had a dream of you! You were drowning and I could not save you. All of a sudden God appeared and said, Fear not my child, crap floats!

   "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."

   I'm aging like a fine wine ... which is to say, I'm building up pressure and about to become uncorked!

   I always know the right thing to say immediately AFTER the right time to say it has passed!

   if someone ever asks you what your favorite kind of beer is tell them " An open one!"

   They say life is one long and crazy ride. I wanna know how the hell did I get a ticket and can I get a refund!

   Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like.

   "if I knew then what I know now...I'd probably still find a way to screw it up!"

   "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." :)

   My get up an go done got up and went and busted the hell outa my give a damn on it's way out!

   Had to call 911 today. They asked what my emergency was, I said, I'm being raped and robbed at the same time. They asked where I was, I said, The Gas Station!