jack Funny Status Messages

   Overheard at grocery: "Paper or plastic, sir?" "Doesn't matter. I'm bisacksual."

   You ever had garbage in one hand but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand? LOL. Anyways, the baby's ok.

   How do you save justin bieber from drowning? YOU DON'T

   I had an appointment at the sperm bank today, but I had to call up to say I couldn't come.

   What does the Michael Jackson action figure have written on the back of the box? Not suitable for children. Colors may vary.

   Dear Ladies, If he calls you at 3:00AM…no offense, but you probably weren't first on the list.

   Don't spend your night watching porn and eating cheese balls

   discovered last weekend that if you play a Justin Biber album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Biber

   wants a snuggie made out of sham wow material

   discovered today that goldfish do not like jello.

   boobbies make me happy click if you like boobbies, say it boobies

   If you think 7 yrs is bad luck for breaking a mirror, try a broken condom!

   Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

   When you open a big bag of cotton balls, is the top one ment to be trown away?

   has the feeling I need to do the housework, gonna sit down with a coffee and wait for the feeling to pass

   Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.

   WTF It's been 25 something years since Charlie Bucket took over the Chocolate factory,and we are still buying Wonka Bars! I want a damn Bucket Bar! I know wonka picked the wrong kid. Veruca Salt would if had her own bar by know.

   Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   My coffee is so black, it's running for President