hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Accidentally wore a red shirt & khaki pants to Target today &, long story short, I think I have been promoted to assistant manager.

   My level of lazy is that I don't think house arrest would be that bad.

   I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me

   I don't care how old I am. If I lose my mother in a super market I'm going to panic.

   One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.

   We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.

   if I had a time machine I would stop O.J. Simpson from killing those people then nobody would know what a Kardashian is

   I don't know how anybody gets attacked by sharks...As soon as I heard that first, "Dun, Dun." I'd be out of there.

   I wish "you dumbass" was an appropriate way to end a work email

   After 4 crappy cruises,Carnival Cruise Lines should just change their slogan to "Still better than the Titanic!!!"

   I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti, and a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work.

   Dear coworkers, I am never going to eat anything you cooked and brought in. I've seen the quality of your work here and I value my life.

   Kids these days are spoiled. Ipads, smart phones, video games, etc. But they'll never know the joy of putting an Ozzy Osborne cassette tape in a Teddy Ruxpin

   Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.

   Kids complaining they didn't get an iPhone for Christmas or got one in the wrong color is exactly why other countries hate us.

   May need to leave Facebook until after the election so I can maintain respect for some of my family and friends

   There's no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.

   If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling “IT'S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!

   On the internet you can be whoever you want. It's odd that so many choose to be stupid.

   An apple a day is bullcrap. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.